English is the Hardest Language to Learn
No wonder foreigners have trouble! Read these aloud for best effect.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier had to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
A buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I took the lead and poured the molten lead into the container.
I want to read that red book after you've read it! (Submitted by John Mitchell).
Though Thou Thought Thee Through, Thy Thought Throws Thee Thoroughly. (Submitted by Dave M Laslo.)
To whoever this may concern. I have two
puppies, I would keep them but that is just too many for me to handle.
(Submitted by Trinity Brewitt.)
I want to go there to hear their music, they're supposed to be good. (Submitted by Michael Beddow.)
Do we have any more? If so contact and I'll add them (and give credit to author) if appropriate.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in
hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented
in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads,
which aren't bread or sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose,
2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid
of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a
play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise
guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can
burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in
which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is
why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they
are invisible.
P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
The bus conductor said “come on”, “get off”.
He came up to me and said. So I turned round to him and said. (Was I up a ladder
and did I subsequently fall off).
Why isn’t CUCUMBER not pronounced ‘cue’ ‘cue’ ‘m’ ‘ber’ or ‘ca’ ’ca’ ’m’ ’ber’?
Regards
Pete Flaxman (10 Aug 2007)